What are the few things that your counselor knows about relationships, but won’t let you know?
The marriage counsellor examines plenty of customers with marital issues coming into their office consistently. A few customers are battling with treachery, while others are in an impassive relationship with their partners. Right from the first session counselor frame their own opinions and thoughts about your marriage. These experts have seen everything, and they discover much more about your relationship than you might suspect they do. At one particular point, you will feel like these experts know more about your marriage than you do. Counselor makes sure that the couples get the best help out of it and understanding gets easier to build a healthier and stronger bond.
Few “couple things” that your advisor thinks about your relationship, but won’t find it necessary to share with you are:
1.Sometimes discussions turn out to be ‘over discussions’
There are various ups and downs in everyone’s life. If everything works accordingly, then we can’t call it a life. Life is something which has certain good and bad days as well; that’s how the balance is achieved. Similarly, the experts analyze the relationship based on their knowledge and past experiences. A couple needs to understand the purity in their relationship. Sometimes discussing a certain point might worsen the situation more. Hence, advisors often keep this point, at last, to open up with the couples.
2.Respect, dignity, and esteem must be favored over wealth or sex
Marriage is a spiritual bond that joins two souls. This bond is nurtured by many valuable factors — Respect, Understanding, Time, Honesty, Commitment, Love and Compromise. Above all are respect and love. It is important to understand why Respect, Dignity, and Esteem should be given more priority. Sex life is a healthy life, but it should never be the need for time. To provide the partner with respect and esteem is something crucial here to discuss.
3. A fight between a couple is better sometimes
Every counselor at once has to face this situation wherein he/she has to advise the couple to open up within themselves. You will find that many couples avoid fighting with each other and end up increasing the communication gap between them. The more things you keep hiding, the more you are digging a pit for yourselves. Hence, a vital part is to open up and say your point. It might lead to conflicts, but it is mandatory. By doing this, we are not piling up the unnecessary stock and heading towards an open and honest relationship.
4. Some arguments are not meant for solving
There are some controversies between you and your partner, wherein you and your partner know its depth and also the fact that it can be resolved or not. Such cases of conflicts are very less but do exists. In such cases, the counsellor refrains from suggesting to move ahead and keep this fight unsolved. It is neither his/her fault nor yours. As in, its human tendency to think good for others. So, here self-realization is very important. Try waking up the next day and resolve it then. Take necessary breaks, so that your anger settles down fast. Most of the imperfect decisions are taken while in anger, so think carefully before you say.
5. Care should be each other’s responsibility
Apart from various suggestions in this blog, the most important one is to avoid intruders as much as possible. No one in this world knows you better than your parents and partner. You have spent maximum time with these people, and these are your people. Before approaching an intruder (in this case — counsellor), know your faults and disgrace. Before approaching, try resolving things on your own. Work in unison and remember all good days spent together. Understand the depth of responsibility you have embraced in your life.
6. Build and embrace self-made decisions
Marriage counsellors are the ones who guide you through their interpretations and expect something good for both. The experiences they have gained so far are so powerful and yet astonishing that they can easily find your lies. Hence, if some wrong decisions have become a part of your journey, then just accept those decisions happily. They may help you know your mistakes, but usually, they won’t say and expect the lies from your end. Many couple counselling sessions face this issue, but faith in humanity helps to restore the trust with your partner.
7. They avoid many signs of failures
They know where you are lying or where you have made mistakes. Just the fact that they don’t open up easily is because they feel that people may cheat in relationships. So they just wait and let the time open up the mystery. You and your partner must accept the flaws and cheats made so far. If there is a place for lies in the relationship, then you can’t expect honesty. Lies are like viruses, they spread easily, and the only thing that can heal is trust and honesty.
8. Select between mobile and relationship
There is no ‘or’ while opting between mobile and relationship. You should understand that your partner will be there throughout your life, where the mobile plays a temporary role. There should always be a wide gap between personal and social life. Manier times the conflicts arise due to smartphones and give the partner a bad realization of feeling cheated. In a few instances, people do cheat in relationships. But this can’t be here in your case. So, before being a wrong culprit avoid getting into these situations. Always try to cherish all small and big victories. Be helpful to your partner in all ways possible. Avoid cross-questions over timid matters, as in this will show negligence in your trust and might lead to trust issues.
Around the world, if there is a happy place to reside in is home. And home is built with bricks and cement but nurtured with love, care, trust, understanding, and empathy. Not all knots in the world are tied perfectly. You should be the one to make it perfect. A counsellor can guide us in many ways, possible. They may possibly solve your problem as well. But a counsellor can never mentor you to be a happy person. It is you who has the knot of keeping things happy because ultimately the “Knot of Marriage” is in your hands.
Originally published at https://thriveglobal.com.